Alright so a few nights ago I posted on Facebook for my friends to send me their questions for advice on things. All people involved will remain confidential! (Now I’m sure many of you that are mutual friends of mine are going to be going through my list of friends to try and figure out who it was that sent me these questions. You can ask all you want, but I promise not to divulge that information….Unless…well no I can’t cause I could get in trouble as well…LOL)
Here is what I received: “Okay, so I’ve met someone through the usual channel (match) and things are going surprisingly well, given that this is me involved. Here’s the catch, the things I like behind closed doors, are on the not a chance in hell list for him… How do I get around this??? Mind you, there are already insane “fireworks” as you would put it. I just don’t want to give up all of what I like. Selfish of me?”
Well now first and foremost the simple answer is: No it is not selfish of you to not want to give up all of what you like. In any relationship there is always going to be a give and take. With that being said you may have to give up somethings that you like, but at the same time he should be open to taking in some of the things you like. Now of course it all depends on what these things are that you like that are on the “not a chance in hell” list for him.
If it is something that pleases you and turns you on then your man should be all about making sure that he takes care of you in that fashion. Will there be somethings that he is absolutely against? More than likely, but if you take the time and explain to him how it makes you feel, how it pleases you, and how much closer the two of you will be then perhaps he might open up to some of the things.
There really is no way around any of this. You shouldn’t have to give up all of what you like. He should be willing to experience these things with you. If he isn’t willing to experience these things with you, that please you, that turn you on, then HE is the selfish one NOT you! He is the one being selfish because he is only worried about turning himself on and worried about pleasing himself.
If more guys would just get it through their thick skull that if you take the time to please your woman then she, in turn, will pretty much do just about anything that you ask of her. (Within reason of course….then again I know some that will take it that extra mile and push the envelope!…HAHAHAHA)
So in the end, my friend, take small steps with this guy and gradually lead him to where you want him to be. It is not about changing who he is as a person, but about the two of you learning about each other and growing with one another. It should be about both of you taking that journey together. If he doesn’t want to take that journey with you then perhaps you two are not a match. “Fireworks” tend to fade over time and one must introduce new techniques that will produce new “Fireworks”.
If he won’t do the things that you like then perhaps you should find someone that WILL do the things you like. Best of luck my dear friend!
Until Next Time,