Say What You Mean….Mean What You Say….

Preface: If you couldn’t tell from my other post or my facebook I really did like this girl. Do I still like her? On some levels yes I do. (I can’t lie about that.) She’s got a lot going for her. I could sit here and talk shit about her but that is not what I am about. In the end she is a great girl and just needs to figure out what she wants. Do I take some of the blame for how things turned out? Absolutely….I tend to give to much of myself way to quickly. However, with that being said I do this because the feelings are mutual and are reciprocated back to me. What I need to do is learn to hold back the way I feel or think rather than putting all of my cards on the table at one time. I’m not going to change who I am through all of this. I won’t apologize to anyone for the fact that I wear my heart on my sleeve. Take it or leave it. If you don’t take it then get the fuck out of here. This is who I am! 

The moment that you that you all have been waiting for…..Without further adieu I bring you the latest installment of my dating life. (I really need to start charging all of you for living vicariously through me. No really I do! LOL)

So my last post (which has since been un-published) was about meeting a great girl (“T”) and hitting it off the first time we met. Now I’m not going to sit here and say that “T” is not a great girl. Despite all that has transpired I still think that she is a great girl (albeit a little twisted in the head, but then again that’s how I like them!)

I’m not sure many of you remember my last post about “T”, but I will give you the short version. I met her on a site called Okcupid.com. We talked for about two weeks and then decided to meet. I went over to West Palm Beach to visit for the weekend. (Don’t worry I got my own hotel room just in case the chemistry wasn’t there. I really wasn’t worried about the chemistry she had for me because ummm hello this is me we are talking about…I was more worried about me having chemistry with her!)

We both said the connection and chemistry was instant the moment we met face to face. Some of you probably even saw the pictures on my Facebook. I met her core group of friends and they too said the connection was instant. (After all why wouldn’t it be instant this is me we are talking about here.) I was invited to come up for her birthday party as well. (Come on now who wouldn’t want me at their birthday party?!?!?!?!)

After I left the first weekend “T” and I continued to talk, text, and email on a daily basis. I could sit here and post all the emails and text messages that were sent back and forth and you would wonder what the fuck happened? It’s really mind boggling to me. Does it hurt on some levels? Absolutely it does. (I will be alright because obviously she just wasn’t ready and talked a big game, but wasn’t ready to finish the game.)

All the signs were there. We talked about wanting a relationship. (Not necessarily with each other but just in general… I know what all of you are thinking now…..  Chad in a relationship really???) She told me how much she enjoyed hearing from me through text messages, emails, facebook, etc.

At one point I sent her a text saying that I didn’t want her to feel like I was “smothering” her with the constant communication. Her reply was that she enjoyed every minute of it and that it was a welcome change from the past. (If a girl that I like tells me that she likes/enjoys something then I’m going to listen and do it.)

So for two weeks we sent texts, phone calls, emails to each other. I had a countdown on Facebook to when I would see her again. She ate all of this up. I wish I could play voicemails that she left me. On one particular one she left a message that she was just calling to say hi and I didn’t have to call her back because she just wanted to hear my “sexy voice”. (This would not be the first time that I’ve been told that I have a sexy voice….I know I know stroke that ego Chad…….this particular message was  on May 5th the day before I went over there for her birthday weekend.)

So by that rational there were no signs of anything that was wrong between the two of us. I got there on Friday night. We stayed up drinking and decorating for her birthday party…..and well of course some “extra-curricular” activities until 5am. Then we woke up and continued those activities until about 11am. (I’m not trying to toot my own horn here simply cause I really don’t need to..LMAO…but just trying to give you a picture of what the weekend was like.)

We get up finally and head out to finish the errands for the party. (Although we talked about staying in bed all day and saying “fuck it” for her party…lmfao….yes I am that good…hahahahahaha) Her best girlfriend comes over to help finish decorating. The three of us start drinking at around 3ish. (No big deal for me…I’m a professional I do this all the time.) Her friend leaves for about 20 minutes and “T” and I take care of business one last time before the party. (I know you really wanted to read about that detail….I’m just trying to get the point across as to how everything was between myself and “T”) Everything seemed to be rolling along just fine.  Finally people start showing up for the party around 9ish/10ish. Now one would think that if the guy you are dating drives three hours to see your ass that you would be paying attention to him at some point of the evening.

Well this night not so much. See “T” and her best girlfriend “J” have this little thing they like to do when they party. They like to make out. (Yeah Yeah guys just love to see two hot chicks suck each others face….It’s great in a porn, but in reality it really does nothing for me!) Now I’ve seen this before, but this was back in my college days. When you’re in your early to mid 30’s you need to stop this kind of nonsense, especially if you have a guy there that you are dating and thinking about a relationship with. Now with that being said I knew about this and said I was ok with it. All I said was that if you’re gonna give her some lovin’ then you gotta find me and give me some lovin’ too.

Well on her party night this never happened. It was almost to the point that where ever I went at the party “T” made sure she wasn’t. (Now if I have the girl I’m dating at my party I would hope that she could mingle amongst my friends throughout the night. Just like I was mingling with all of her friends throughout the night.  However, I would make sure that I would come back and hang with her for a little bit and show her some lovin’……)

So to wrap up a very long night….(And for the record I will admit that I was ummmm extremely intoxicated on this night….)  Basically I was treated as though I wasn’t even there at the party by “T”. So Sunday morning comes and we get up and start to clean. She has nothing to say to me at all. I finally stop cleaning and ask her point blank, “Did I piss you off or make you mad last night at some point?” Her response was, “No, but you were kind of being “clingy”!” I said, “I was being clingy?” She saids “Yes, but I don’t want to fight about or talk about it.” (Ok I’m sorry but a guy you are dating and have already told that you took your dating profile off-line, love hearing from him on a daily basis, don’t want to talk to other guys or see other guys and you tell him he was “too clingy”????? Really???? Oh thats right you want to go make out with your little girlfriend instead…my bad!)

So finally we finish cleaning up and I said that we needed to talk. She told me at this point that she had no intention of talking to or seeing other guys, but that she needed some space. (Ummm hello I live on the opposite coast from you …. how much fucking space do you need?) So I pack up my shit and I leave.

I sent her a text when I got home to say I made it home safely and asked if we could talk. Her reply was “I told you I needed space. This doesn’t feel like space Chad. We will talk but I’d rather wait.”

Well needless to say that talk never happened. It was through text message and through email. I will be 35 years old here in three weeks. I don’t communicate through text messages and emails when it comes to serious shit. If you want to have  a discussion or talk then pick up the damn phone and talk to me about everything….In the end she said that I was smothering her and she couldn’t deal with it. Ohhhh and at one point she also said that “It was too soon to be having this type of conversation.” So ummmm wait let me get this straight….We had sex in many different positions,(Yes I know too much information for most of you..however; I have to get my point across…LMFAO)  but yet it’s too soon to be having a serious conversation about what is going on between us…..

So moral of the story…………Listen ladies. If you want a relationship and you tell a guy this then follow through with it. If you tell a guy you want to hear from him on a daily basis through text messages, phone calls, and emails then don’t get all crazy about it and tell him he’s smothering you. The two of you are building a relationship. And if you think he is smothering you then pick up the God damn phone and tell him that he is. Don’t play games with him and expect him to read your mind. After all you already told him you liked hearing from him this much. If you aren’t ready for a relationship then DO NOT pretend you are. If all you want is a penis then go to a bar and pick up some guy and have your way with him. Guys don’t need you to feed him lines in order for him to sleep with you. If you want to fuck then tell him and he will. Don’t beat around the fucking bush about it…..You have two options…..A) You just want to fuck… or B) You want a relationship… there’s no grey area….. just be straight up with the guy and everything will be fine!

Until Next Time,

Spiral Out

P.S. Question for all of you…… When does dating become a relationship? If two people talk about wanting a relationship and then they sleep with one another is there an “un-official” title of the two of them being together? If you  know it’s  not a one night stand and the two of you have a connection of some sort and have talked about said connection shouldn’t you just jump in and see if the relationship could work? When does dating turn into boyfriend/girlfriend?

15 thoughts on “Say What You Mean….Mean What You Say….

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    1. Ya know if you want to be a “playa” just tell me straight up. I have no problem laying the pipe if that is what you want. Just don’t try and come at me like you want something serious and then bounce out when you see that it is getting serious…..

  1. As I said before will I take some blame for this? Absolutely I will. I could of played it a little cooler and not “given my hand” so quickly. However, with that being said “T” was telling me all the things I wanted to hear. And from what she was saying I thought she was feeling the same way I was…..Apparently not though….Although her and her friends have been deleted from my facebook I’m not sure if they remember the name of my website and don’t know if they will see any of this….:P LMAO

  2. I dated my ex for one year and half. I live in Australia and he lives in New Jersey so I traveled every 3 months to see him for 3 months at a time. So I guess we were in a relationship and I was his girlfriend but I still like to say we just dated.

    Now I like to date guys. If you say relationship, to me, it means serious stuff… probably living together, sharing a bank account, meeting your parents… So I would run away because right now It does not sound like fun. Relationships come with responsibilities that you have to share, dating is fun and don’t have to share absolutely everything (am not talking about lying and cheating because that is not on even when only dating).

    Not that I don’t want eventually a long lasting relationship, but do we need to label whatever is going on in the present moment?

    Two or three weeks, it’s a relatively short period of time. Live in the present moment. Don’t over analyze the current situation and just enjoy it. Go with the flow…

    But that’s just me, everybody is different I know.

    1. Well I would say that we were dating absolutely. We talked about wanting a relationship, but neither of us ever said that the two of us were in a relationship together. It was something that both of us were looking for. Granted it was a short time and you are right live in the present moment. However, things happened fast between the two of us. She’ll admit that just as I will. Our first “date” I was at her house meeting her friends and coloring eggs for Easter…LOL

      1. May I add too that even having sex in every single position and too many time in one night to actually count… does not make it a relationship and even if the chemistry is there… lmao And I am truly sorry it did not work out… but better sooner than once you have to much feeling… (<– it's a great line to stay positive).

        It's another great experience and I'm sure you probably learn a thing or two from it and from what you are saying you got great sex… so really, you can't complain too much lmao
        😉

      2. You do have a very good point there. I’m definitely not complaining about that. I think I just set my expectations too high and expect to much to soon. But I think some of that came from the fact of the things she was telling me. Anyways, you are right on many levels and I really have nothing to complain about…. Thanks for reading and taking the time to reply…:)

  3. Chadwick, oh lord!!! The problem is this…
    You move way tooooo quickly on all levels! I have told you this a million times. Women say they love all the attention because it strokes their ego. But in reality, you come across very desperate. I said this to you when you were dating ‘J’ too!! If you want a relationship with a girl keep two things zipped. Your mouth & your zipper. You fall for women too quickly. The minute any girl shows 5% interest, you’re picking out your china patterns. Simmaaaa the f*** down Chad. Slow down dear, let things happen naturally. You rush things. If you would have listened to me last year, you would be in a healthy relationship by now. The BIG problem is this, you keep doing the same thing and expecting a different result. You have a lot going for you, let things happen slowly. The minute sex comes in the picture, things change. Don’t do it so quickly or it will most likely never evolve into anything more than casual sex. Good luck Chad & change your ways…while your young! 😉

    1. I agree with you on many of the things you have pointed out. I do move quickly, but in this case she made it seem that is what she wanted as well. I don’t think I was coming off as desperate in this case. We all know Chad is not desperate come on now it’s me we are talking about. I have no reason to be desperate.
      How come its called rushing things when the girl is doing the same thing I’m doing?

  4. After reading all these comments, I absolutely have feedback however I think its best to not start fights on your blog so I am going to refrain…. God forbid we as women ever admit that women do dumb shit too…. personally I dont claim allegiance with either gender so my opinions are benign.

  5. I wanna say first that I like your style, oh and hey my b-day is coming up to and I will be 35. (gemini babee!)
    But seriously, it all depends on the people involved. I have a good friend that was in a “relationship” that never progressed beyond what I think was just FWB, she tolerated it for 3 years! He broke up with her twice on her birthday!
    I say fuck all that non-sense! Don’t ever give up on what you really want! Hey she is out there, I promise! I met a great guy, and I had 3 kids already. Now we are a happy swinging couple(with a child together) and my whole world is better because I never gave up on finding “the one”.
    This chick, when you meet her will progress the same speed as you. I found mine, I know there is hope for everyone. I move “too fast” as well.
    Good luck, and keep us posted!

    1. Ahhh another Gemini! Love it! I move at the speed of light! I always have and I always will. I figure I should jump in head first and see if everything is going to work. That way I don’t waste my time or her time in trying to figure out if we’re good for each other. Apparently some people don’t run on the same wavelength as we do….:P I will definitely keep you posted! (BTW You aren’t that far away from me. I’m about 2 hrs south of you….:P…)

  6. duude. sorry to hear that. I recommend dating girls you aren’t all that crazy about. The kind you have to work at. It solves 2 problems in your approach. One, you don’t get too attached completely at first. That way you don’t smother her with the pillow of love too early. Secondly, in order to find her at all attractive, you have to work harder in finding a common ground. In that search, you may discover things that really do attract you instead of the superficial (and yes just attention is very superficial). Ever notice unlikely couples always seem the most stable? Thirdly, as a preface lemme say that I’m a big believer in sex early, get it outta the way because who wants to waste months of dating only to find out there is a mismatch in libidos and expections on either side, with that said, with a girl you aren’t that attracted to, it will help you keep your dog on a leash. That way you can do stuff that doesn’t involve alcohol or sex. i know i know, that doesn’t sound like me bt as we get older, blah blah blah…

    As for the “when does it become a relationship” thing? It will start when she pees with the door open, or while yer shaving, then to confirm it, she shamelessly farts in front of you. Then you’ll know it’s love. hehe

  7. Sounds like she felt stupid for being a ho, who knows, but that shit is crazy. You seem like a great guy & what she did to yo uwas horrible, if she just wanted to get laid on her birthday she should of said so or hooked up with her girlfriend.

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