And the secrets continue……

My backyard.......

Well now its time to continue on our little journey with Marie Claire and the magazines wonderful little gem of “20 Secrets Men Keep.” As I mentioned  before this is for entertainment purposes only. Ladies why do you read such garbage and on top of that why do you believe it? This is what makes dating almost impossible on some levels. Stop reading this crap and just be yourself. Gentleman instead of reading Playboy (well wait you can keep the Playboy…it actually does have some great articles..lol), you should read all the crap the ladies are reading. These are the things that are in their head. 

So with that I give you #6 -#10:

#6 You’ll never understand our sports obsession. I know some women love sports. But are they as obsessed with sports like guys are? I read about sports every day, and go over stats. And I do find myself telling my sisters about University of Virginia and Boston College teams — where they went to school. There is no reason women wouldn’t understand or know sports like guys do if they were as obsessed. I just think guys across the board are more sports-obsessed than women are.

#6 My reaction – Well now I have met a few girls/women that love sports. That is definitely a plus in my world. I just don’t think most women are as obsessed with sports as men are. (Yes ladies I know you find it a little weird that grown men like to sit around for eight hours on a Sunday watching other grown men run around in tights and placing their hands in the crotch of another grown man…ya know the QB and Center exchange.) The obsession with sports or with specific teams is just hard to explain. It’s almost like a genetic code that was installed in most men. (For those men that aren’t into sports……well I really don’t know what to say to you….except Whiskey Tango Foxtrot.)

Personally, most of you know that I live and die Oakland Raiders. I can’t explain it. So for the ladies, just go with it. Don’t try to understand it. This is just me. I am passionate about my team. I get mad, sad, upset, pissed off, etc…. all while watching the Oakland Raiders. (Shut up you Charger fans…LOL) It’s the ultimate in high’s and low’s. (yeah yeah I know there’s been A LOT of low’s for my Raiders….so to you haters…..bite me!)

# 7 You’re not the only one who engages in retail-therapy post break-up.  I have shopped during emotional low points. Wearing new clothes makes me feel confident. There is also a social aspect of shopping because you are usually with friends, consorting with other shoppers and salespeople. You’ve been spending a lot of money on your ex in the past; now it’s time to spend some money on you.

#7 My reaction – Well this is just poppycock. Men DO NOT engage in any sort of post break-up therapy. Even if it was you that did the break-up or if it was us. The only thing I will be doing, regardless of who did the break-up, is that I will be at a bar drinking copious amounts of intoxicating beverages. Wearing new clothes has nothing to do with my confidence. What ever douche bag answered this question needs to be taken out back and beat senseless……I am a male. I have a penis. I DO NOT like to shop!!!!! End of discussion! (And if you are male and you like to shop please tell me that you are not my friend…otherwise you will be dealt with accordingly.) 

However, with that being said….If you were my girl and wanted me to go shopping with you then perhaps I could be persuaded to do such a thing. Now there will be ground rules to this shopping thing: 1) We are not spending 30 minutes in each store. Where you try on the same dress in different colors and then decided it doesn’t fit right. 2) We will also go into stores that I want to go into. If it’s a sports apparel store then by all means I can spend at least 30 minutes in this store. And no I do not have enough Raiders stuff! 3) This shopping trip will not last an entire day. We get in, find what we need, and get out. So anyone want to go shopping. (Ohhhh and there will be no shopping trips on Sundays during the months of September through the first week of February.)

#8 Sex in the shower is overrated.I once tried this, but the entire time I was trying to contort my body so that I could get everything inserted correctly. That “up against the wall” variation is tougher than it sounds. The entire shower apparatus is so slippery, and then you have soap all over the place. It’s a danger zone. Plus, I do my best to keep my bathroom clean, but I don’t think I’d ever want to have sex anywhere near something called “mildew.”

#8 My reaction –  Ok now the shower/bath is certainly a turn on. This is one instant where size does matter. (really? Your minds are perpetually in the gutter…makes sense if you’re my friend.) I’m talking about the shower. And ummm well I’ll leave it at that. I do have to keep some things to myself right? 😛

#9  We do think you’re crazy sometimes, but only because it makes things easier for us. Once I accepted that women were “crazy” (many older guys had insisted they were for years), it seemed to take a huge load of pressure off me. No longer was I trying to rationalize moves that women made that got me into crazy analysis cycles. When I just throw it all out the window and dismiss it as “crazy,” it makes it easier to deal. We don’t really think women are insane, we just say it so we can be done thinking about their antics and move on.

#9 My reaction – Alright really? We all know that women are crazy! It’s not a question of making things easier for us by thinking you ladies are crazy. It’s just the nature of the beast. Don’t get me wrong ladies, men are just as crazy as you are. However, we are both on polar opposites of crazy. I stopped trying to rationalize the things women did because it stressed me out. The only reason it makes it easier is because that is how we process things as males. Remember I posted awhile back that we are simple creatures. We don’t have the time or the patience to worry about any of this kind of nonsense.

Ladies, you are crazy just as we are. Can we at least meet on some middle ground and stop playing the bullshit games?

 #10 Leave your baggage at the door. Guys are happy to help out their girlfriends with emotional issues. But if the baggage becomes apparent  too early in the relationship, then a guy will probably bail. Also, baggage causes people to put pressure on or damage a relationship, so it may be doomed from the outset.

#10My Reaction – Shall we take a stroll down memory lane? I certainly have my fair share of baggage, but certainly not as much as the girls that I’ve picked. (Have you not read the rest of my blog about my dating shenanigans.)  Those girls couldn’t leave that crap at the door. So ladies, please for the love of keeping things real….. Leave the baggage at the door. Now when I say baggage I’m not talking your children. I’ve dated women that have kids and I’m ok with that. (Just as long as I’m not meeting them on the first date. Then we may have a slight problem….:)….)

The baggage I speak of is all of the crap that happened to you before you met me. You know all of your past relationship failures. That I am sure were never ever ever your fault. The guy was a complete asshole so now you attempt to take out your anger towards him but you take it out on me. The one before that was probably a douche bag that played you and now you can’t trust me because of past insecurities. Remember I am none of these guys! (Well then again I am a Gemini and sometimes I can be an asshole…just like you can be a bitch!…LOL) So please leave your baggage at the door, sit back, hold on, and enjoy the ride. (Ok please get your minds out of the gutter you sick people!)

Until Next Time,

Spiral Out

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