Where the F*ck did Cupid go?

Well well well…..So another year has passed. It’s time for me to write my 2nd annual Valentine’s Day post. Now of course to some of us it’s also known as S.A.D (Singles Awareness Day). Why?

Well because for those of us that are single we are reminded by our wonderful friends at Hallmark, Kay Jewelers, and Victoria’s Secret that February 14th is Valentines Day. You know that special day when you are supposed to tell that special someone how much they mean to you.

I mean after all you shouldn’t tell that special someone how much they mean to you on February 15th or even April 1st. You are supposed to let that special someone in your life know that on February 14th that they mean the absolute world to you.

So guys, go on and head to the local florist and buy your special someone that dozen of red roses. Spend the $69.95 for said dozen of roses! Now if your dumb ass would of just bought that same dozen of roses about three weeks earlier you would of saved yourself roughly about $50. (And guys if you are trying to win that girl or make her feel special for the first time….please please please don’t be that douche bag that goes and gets a dozen red roses! Red roses mean LOVE…you don’t love her you just want to get in her pants on Valentines Day!)

Now according to Kay Jewelers….”Every kiss begins with Kay”….I beg to differ here. I’ve had plenty of kisses over the last year that did not begin with some silver plated piece of jewelry that will turn green in about three months after wearing it. (Ok ok so not plenty of kisses, but for those that I did have they DID NOT begin with a piece of jewelry from Kay Jewelers.)

And then the Victoria’s Secret (VS)  thing… Come on fella’s when are you going to learn. Stop being so cliche and be original. Don’t buy something from VS. Spice it up a bit and go to the local adult store or order online from Frederick’s of Hollywood.

Yeah yeah yeah. Why take advice from a single guy on Valentine’s Day. What the fuck do I know right? I’m going to be the one alone on V-Day while you are figuring out a way to get into the pants of your significant other….even though you really shouldn’t have to figure that out…you should know how to do that by now! LOL (Well actually I won’t be alone…..but shhh don’t tell anyone…ok ok yes I am going out on Valentine’s Day for the first time in eight years…..yeah yeah yeah…shut it would ya! LOL)

And for all of those single guys out there that have been down on your luck lately. Perhaps you hit a dry spell. It really just hasn’t been your year so far in 2012. Well pick yourself up by the boot straps and head to your local bar. There will be plenty of  ladies for you to choose from on V-day.

Let’s see…. You will have the following to choose from:

  • Single girl that feels lonely and hasn’t had the company of a man in quite some time now. (Don’t pressure her and just go with the flow it’s easier than you think it is)
  • Girl that recently broke up with or got dumped by her boyfriend and feels vulnerable (Let her come to you. Don’t pressure her just give her your shoulder to cry on and let the rest fall where it may.)
  • Milf that is currently separated because she was cheated on my her husband and wants revenge and is looking for a young buck such as yourself
  • Cougar that has been divorced/widowed for sometime now and is just now getting back into the world of “dating”
  • Married woman that wants to surprise her husband with a little extra-curricular activities (mainly because he can’t get it up anymore and needs someone else to satisfy his wife)
  • And last but not least you will have the swinger couple that is bored with their normal sex life and wants to spice things up a bit

Now with all that being said…Just realize that as the night goes on and you’re continuing to drink each of the above mentioned girls/women keep on getting better looking. So pick out your poison early in the night and stick with it. There is a slight chance that you will go home alone. That’s ok though. Sometimes that is better than the alternative…..

Waking up…rolling over…and saying to yourself “What the fuck did I do last night?”

Until Next Time,

Spiral Out

One thought on “Where the F*ck did Cupid go?

Add yours

  1. Dude those bullet points are freaking genius bro if there was ever a handbook for guys this should be a chapter maybe chapter 14?

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